Hello, my name is Carolann.

I am 26 years old, and for the past year, I have been using the in vitro fertilisation process to have a baby.

I have always loved babies. I am an auxiliary nurse and have had the chance to work in the maternity ward, and I love it! 

I don’t have any children, but in 2-3 weeks, I will have an embryo implanted in my uterus, and I hope to have a beautiful gift at Christmas. 😊 

Here is my first text. It’s inspired by a song by Marc Dupré and Jérôme Couture.

Letter to my future offspring

I know it’s strange, but this morning I wanted to talk to you, my future offspring that will arrive one day. Yes, my heart is exhausted and paralysed by fear. Yes, my road is long, full of detours, but one day, my luck will change. I will hear your heartbeat, and it will be the most beautiful of songs. Then one day I will have you in my arms. 

Even if you don’t exist yet, I know that you are cold, frozen in time. Don’t worry, I will come and get you. Yes, the road will be long, but we will travel it together. You will be surrounded by warmth, and we will cross the storms together. We will be stronger than anything because we will be together. We will have to trust our bodies to avoid collapse. Hour by hour holding on to each other. As if there was only you and me. I will be with you for life.

Photo - Fécondation in vitro de maman collaboratrice journal intime de CarolannIt took me time to find my place in the world, to love myself as I am. I will be there to teach you how to look at yourself and love yourself as you are. I will tell you that there are no walls too high to climb, and no dream too big. You have to aim for the sky while keeping your feet on the ground. When you have doubts or fears, think about me, and I will open my arms to you. I will be there when you need me, I will be the wind at your back. 

At some point, I will have to leave you in the arms of another. Too soon. I won’t let life cast a shadow over you, but I will also make sure the world treats you right. I promise I will always be there for you. I want to build you a world there tears change to laughs. I will help you find a reason to exist. 

Too soon, I will have to learn to let you go. You need to find your own way, your own wind to carry you on your wings. You can always count on me, I will help you fly higher.

Sometimes I think about your nose, your eyes, mouth, but in the end, I know that you will be perfect and I will love you without compromise. 

To read the rest of Carolann’s story, go to Alone, Together (in french only).

Carolann

The opinions found in this article are the author’s alone. 

Photo - Photo de maman collaboratrice journal intime de Carolann

This post is also available in: Français

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