As parents, you may wonder why your child constantly demands and never seems satisfied. Nothing feels right—you have to respond quickly, often using different methods, and it must come from people they know and trust. Otherwise, they cry loudly until they get what they want.

You feel overwhelmed, guilty, and unsure what to do. You’re likely caring for a high-needs baby, a term coined by Dr. William Sears to help parents understand these children. Often labeled difficult or demanding, about one in ten babies is born this way. Exhausted parents aren’t imagining it—these babies truly exist.

According to Dr. Sears, certain traits are common among high-needs children, though not all display every trait.

First, your child is not sick. It’s important to distinguish a high-needs baby from an irritable one—the latter usually experiences ongoing discomfort. Always consult your doctor to rule out any medical issues.

Your child is unique, with their own personality and temperament from birth. Each has their energy level, routines, reactions to new challenges, and sensitivity to their environment—sounds, light, textures, moods, and intensity of responses.

High-needs children often have above-average intelligence, remarkable creativity and intuition, and strong social skills. They tend to be very passionate. While temperament was once thought to be fixed, we now understand it is shaped by environment—loving, secure care, parental attention, and mental health all play a role.

Five Characteristics of High Needs Babies

There are five characteristics of high needs babies, defined below:

1. Hypersensitivity

This characteristic refers to a baby (child) that cries loudly, laughs loudly, and is easily surprised. They’re more sensitive both physically and emotionally, they react strongly to any frustration and the unknown. They’re often irritated without apparent reason, emotions are quick and their reaction is abnormally disproportionate to the situation at hand.

2. Reactivity

Reactivity is the behaviour of a child in the face of change, something that bothers them. They’re overstimulated by sound, hunger, and smells. But at the same time they can concentrate longer on a clear task that they like or decided to do. High emotionality leads to instant reactions which are unexpected and often strongly expressed. These children require a lot of attention, you have to listen to them and show them a lot of affection to calm them.

3. Demanding

A high needs baby places significant demands on their parents and those around them. The support network often becomes exhausted from constantly trying to meet the child’s needs. High needs babies are always in a state of emergency and seem capricious, but at the basic level, they’re anxious. The quick response to their needs calms them and allows them to manage their stress and behave in more socially acceptable ways and makes it easier for parents. On the other hand, be careful! Meeting their real needs doesn’t mean giving in to their whims to buy peace!

4. Unpredictable

Reactions of high needs babies are often unpredictable both for the situation and in intensity. Even if you succeed in consoling them during a crisis, the thing you did will likely not have the same effect the next time in similar situations. This means parents always have to find different ways to act on their reactions. These babies get bored quickly and are inconsistent in their reactions. This requires deep patience from the parents and a lot of creativity, which becomes exhausting over time.

5. Physical needs

These babies or children with high needs often require more physical contact than others. Even as a baby, they will sleep little, are easily awakened, often want to feed and be in the arms of their mother or a comforting person for them. They like skin-to-skin contact, the baby harness, to be rocked, touched and have their hair softly rubbed, for example.

These children move all the time and babies can even be hypertonic, which means they’re rigid, resisting certain situations where they feel they’re in a tight place, cornered. This could be during breastfeeding or wrapped in a blanket. They want to be as THEY want to be.

And the parents?

After reading this you said to yourself, YIKES! And what about the parents? Indeed, there have always been high-need babies in life, but we often called them difficult babies or children, and we really didn’t focus a lot of attention on it. As a parent, you need to be patient, accepting, mourn the perfect child you expected and avoid comparing them to other children. The looks that our children get hurt, and judgments, even if implicit, also hurt parents. They sometimes see their child suffer in certain situations without being able to protect them in their daily lives.

Children with intense temperaments need more than others in terms of care and security. Due to the actions the parents take each day by showing their love, the child will learn to control their reactions as they age. They will then manifest the portion of their personality that is passionate, creative, sociable using all their intelligence.

Save the Parents!

High-needs babies demand a lot from parents. In this entry, we share tips and techniques to support them. Dr. Sears offers practical advice to help parents survive life with a high-needs child while maintaining a loving, supportive relationship.

• Take time for yourself: Go out as a couple, take walks, get a massage, or enjoy a bubble bath.

• Allow some frustration: It’s natural to nurture your baby, but accept your limits. If you can’t respond immediately, let your baby cry briefly when necessary.

• Prioritize sleep: You need energy to manage daily challenges. Rest whenever your baby is calm and choose sleep over less essential tasks. Preventing exhaustion is vital for your wellbeing and your family’s future.

• Journal your experience: Write down your feelings, your baby’s progress, and good moments to help process your journey.

• Focus on the positives: Recognize your child’s unique strengths and be proud of them to avoid dwelling only on difficulties.

• Be patient: Over time, your child will learn to manage emotions and anxiety better. Accept their temperament and try not to force them to adapt your way, as that often makes things worse.

• Pick your battles: Conserve your energy for what matters and keep realistic expectations.

• Accept your child’s uniqueness: Concentrate on who your baby is, not on comparisons or others’ opinions. Focus on your needs as a parent—if you’re not there for your child, who will be?

• Don’t compare: Differences don’t mean something is wrong; appreciating your child’s qualities will help you cope.

• Get outside: Fresh air and space benefit both child and parent—breathe, relax, and let go of stress.

• Adjust what doesn’t work for you: Balance your child’s needs with your own limits to maintain harmony and love in your family.

• Seek support: Exhaustion calls for help. Connect with other parents of high-needs babies to share experiences and gain support.

Family members who understand your situation and want to help, friends who are sensitive to what you’re going through, and support groups where you can share your feelings over time—all these are valuable. Taking care of yourself means taking care of your children too, allowing you to keep giving your best.

High-needs babies have many wonderful qualities. You can’t ignore their nature, but you can learn to live with it. You will get through this, your child will grow and thrive, and life will go on.

Professional advice:

• Trust yourself and your baby. They need to feel that you’re there for them.
• Talk to your entourage about your experiences and your baby’s temperament. They will better accept your ways of intervening with your child.
• Invite close friends and family to participate in your family life, whether to babysit, cook meals or clean.
• Learn to breathe, after several deep breaths, the cortisol rate (stress hormone) diminishes in your body and you will be better able to work with your child.
• Avoid overstimulating them: noisy environments, bright lights and strong odours should be avoided. Don’t forget that your baby is very sensitive to everything around them.
• Above all, don’t feel guilty if you’re at the end of your rope. According to Dr. Gilles Fortin, MD (FRCP, February 2007), “Even the most skilled parents can’t support a baby crying for more than 35 minutes without getting help.”
• Consult home respite programs or discussions groups for parents in a perinatal resource centre near you (www.reseaudescrp.org).
• Don’t forget to laugh, play, do crazy things with your child. By maximising the good times, you will increase your confidence.

You have the most magnificent of privileges, that of being a parent. You have an exceptional being in your hands. Give yourself time, and together you will find your road.

A sincere thank you to Bedon & bout’chou for their collaboration on this article. For support and advice, it is recommended to contact their team of postnatal facilitators, who provide excellent assistance.

Additional reading from the book by Dr. Sears: www.askdrsears.com

Marie Fortier
The Baby Expert