Becoming a father is a great adventure! Like a long journey, it’s best to be prepared. During pregnancy, a lot of attention is given to the pregnant woman and the baby to come, but what about the fathers?
The definition of fatherhood is: “The social recognition of the parentage relationship between a father and a child.”
Fatherhood
Nowadays, a lot of effort has been made in perinatal services to include fathers as much as possible from the start of pregnancy. This includes medical follow-up appointments and prenatal classes. But also during childbirth, with birthing rooms where fathers are invited to stay in the maternity ward with their partner and baby. We are talking about returning home, with paternity leave and postnatal home visits by nurses. Not everything is perfect! But let’s say that the measures taken so far are positive in terms of giving new fathers more space and better supporting the family as a whole.
The fact is that today’s fathers are called upon to take on more responsibility. They are more involved with their children and family. According to recent studies on fatherhood, the amount of time a father spends caring for and raising his child or children has increased significantly compared to previous generations. Greater involvement in household tasks is also noted as an element of change, and all the data collected provides a fresh, more up-to-date perspective on fathers’ experiences during the transition to
parenthood.
Fathers act differently than mothers, and that’s a good thing!
One thing is certain: becoming a parent is a life stage that presents challenges for individuals and couples. The vast majority of men who become fathers describe their experience of fatherhood as very positive in their lives. Everyone must adapt to their respective roles by assuming the responsibilities that come with them.
Becoming a father
Finding out that your girlfriend is pregnant can be a shock for some men, even if it was planned, chosen, and desired. Why? Because it still feels unreal and a little scary, let’s be honest. It’s a bit like women—men can also experience ambivalence. They can be both happy to welcome a child into their lives and anxious about all the responsibilities that come with it.
The role of the father during pregnancy
Not carrying the baby makes a big difference. Women feel the physical changes taking place inside them, which helps them gradually realize that something is transforming and will change their lives. For the men who accompany them, it often remains very abstract and even frustrating not to be experiencing everything at the same pace.
For a man, preparing for fatherhood definitely happens first and foremost in his head. The future father often sees himself as an emotional support, an attentive companion, an observer of life, growing warmly in the mother’s womb. He has to imagine his baby developing, guess what it will be like, and seeing it on the ultrasound makes it a little more real.
He may also realize a little better that a baby is coming soon when he feels its movements while caressing his partner’s round belly. It’s a way for him to connect with his future child, to interact, to create a bond. It’s easy to understand, logically, why the attachment process will develop individually and inherently for each man and woman at a very variable pace.
The feeling of becoming a father
Some men say they felt like a father as soon as they wanted to have a baby. Others felt it when they got a positive pregnancy test or saw the baby more clearly during an ultrasound. For some, it will be at the actual birth, and for others, unfortunately, it will come later in life, or even never. Everyone has their own journey. Expecting a baby is an idea that grows as events unfold, as the pregnancy progresses, and as life goes on.
Their needs
Future and new fathers also have feelings and needs. They are often reluctant to talk about them or express what they are going through so as not to show their vulnerability or anxiety, 
or to avoid worrying their partners further and increasing their mental load. They often feel powerless and helpless in the face of the expectant mother’s symptoms, since their usual problem-solving processes do not work when faced with the physiological phenomena of pregnancy, which are beyond their control.
Various writings in perinatal psychology clearly show that fathers experience increased stress and even anxiety during the transition to parenthood. It is an emotionally charged period that is upsetting even when everything is going well, so imagine when there are complications for the mother or the unborn baby, relationship problems, financial difficulties, etc. This further accentuates the intensity of all these manifestations.
The needs of fathers
Although healthcare providers are improving their approaches and interventions with future and new fathers, much work remains to be done to better reach this clientele, which requests few services but also has needs that must be met. More and more research is being conducted to better understand men who become fathers in all aspects of their new role.
The needs most often expressed by fathers
Recently, a health fact sheet on fatherhood was added to the prenatal information portal for healthcare professionals by the Institut national de santé publique (INSPQ). Here is a description of the needs that fathers most often express at this stage of life, according to the scientific community and their latest research on the subject:
- The need to be recognized and considered as an important parent for the child. That fatherhood be valued more in more egalitarian relationships.
- The need to be informed, to have answers to their questions during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postnatal period, in order to better understand and support the mother.
- The need to take their place. To be more than just a support, but to play an active role in the whole process of becoming a parent. For the father to be able to assert himself more as a parent.
- The need to feel useful. To know what to do in a more concrete way. To take action, provide practical care and, finally,
- The need to be supported. To feel involved and accompanied in the learning process. To have their needs met in order to reduce tension and stress and prevent high anxiety and possible depressive disorders at this turbulent stage of life.
The needs of new parents
In addition, it is also relevant to present the results of a master’s degree in clinical sciences, focusing specifically on the needs of new parents when their first child arrives. More specifically, the needs expressed by new fathers during the first month after birth were highlighted. This provides, at the very least, a clear idea of what new fathers often experience.
The results concerning the needs of mothers and fathers when their first baby arrives in the postnatal period show that new mothers have more physical needs to satisfy. This is understandable given that they have gone through childbirth. However, it has been found that many of the physical, psychological, and more social needs expressed by fathers are not so different from those expressed by women.
The physical, psychological, and social needs of fathers
Physical needs
In terms of physical needs, new fathers also feel tired and need to rest, sleep, and take a break to recharge their batteries.
Psychological needs
In terms of psychological needs, new fathers emphasize the importance of being able to express their experiences. They need to be able to talk about their concerns, fears, and worries related to all the unknowns surrounding the arrival of a baby. They need support to better cope with their new responsibilities, which require them to learn a great deal in terms of knowledge, skills, and abilities in order to adopt appropriate behaviors.
On a psychological level, several more specific dimensions emerged from the interviews with new fathers, including the need for:
- intimacy, i.e., spending time alone as a couple and/or with their baby in a familiar environment,
- being listened to. They need someone to listen attentively so they can talk about their experiences and ask questions,
- to be understood. To feel that those around them are caring and sensitive to the meaning of what they are expressing.
- to be reassured about all their fears in order to reduce anxiety and thereby facilitate the acquisition of self-confidence in their new role as parents,
- Be encouraged. Feel encouraged to take action in order to develop confidence in the new tasks they have to perform. We know full well that men are often more discreet when it comes to communicating and discussing their role as fathers. Even if it is not customary for men to openly ask for encouragement, they are often very proud to receive positive comments. Whether it comes from healthcare professionals, family members, or their partners about how they interact with their child.
- Being respected. This aspect refers to parents’ perception of whether or not they are treated with respect. Being considered a unique human being with their own needs.
- And to learn. The need to learn is imperative when a baby arrives. Faced with the unknown, future and new parents, men and women alike, need guidance to understand and fulfill their role. Their concerns make them thirsty, eager for knowledge.
The fourth trimester
The period perceived as the most difficult for new fathers during their child’s first year of life is the fourth trimester (the three months following childbirth). Fathers want answers to their questions, advice, and practical tips to increase their knowledge, skills, and expertise. It is a dynamic process that is updated day after day with the child.
Social needs
In terms of needs that are more social in nature, once again, fathers express needs that are very similar to those of new mothers.
Routine
Reorganizing the daily routine is a must. The birth of a baby also means the birth of a new organizational structure at home. This requires a different approach to tasks. It means planning more time for oneself, for the couple, and for the family, while trying to find a balance between work, professional activities, and social life.
The demands of the new role are often perceived as difficult by fathers. They often have to put aside some of their own needs, some of their activities, and give up certain goals, at least temporarily, in order to devote themselves more fully to their family.
The support network
Need for a support network. Although having a child is socially valued, parents still have to take on more responsibilities in a short period of time. Having good support, with trusted people who are accessible and available in their environment, can completely change the adjustment and intensity of becoming a parent.
As much as parents appreciate the active help they receive, some are reluctant to ask for it. That’s why many new fathers like to have help offered to them by those around them, which greatly contributes to developing their expertise and confidence, especially in the first few weeks of life with their baby.
Paternal involvement
Research on the subject of fatherhood highlights a growing number of men expressing a desire to actively engage in their role as fathers, in contrast to the traditional male model that has been passed down for decades. Although this change in mentality is slow, it seems to be gradually taking root in family practices. More egalitarian dynamics within families are beginning to emerge. But what exactly does the term “paternal involvement” mean?
The definition provided on the INSPQ information portal translates as “the ongoing participation and concern of the biological father, adoptive father, stepfather, or surrogate father in the physical, psychological, and social development of his child.”
La perception
This definition makes it clear that there is no typical model for being a “committed father.” A man’s perception of paternal commitment will be influenced by a set of factors that characterize him. These include his cultural background, beliefs, religion, social and economic context, education, age, and whether he lives with his partner or is separated, etc.
In general, what we often hear from fathers-to-be is that they want to be more involved with their children and their families. Often even more than their own fathers were. This can represent a certain internal conflict for them. The model of fatherhood they knew versus the one they want to become. They also lament the fact that there are very few father figures in the media that they would like to aspire to or identify with. Every father’s story is unique. Even though fatherhood seems to be evolving and taking on a new face, many fathers still face social pressures today. Productivity at work is often valued more than the fulfillment of fatherhood.
How can we recognize paternal involvement?
Some authors describe paternal involvement through various observations. Repeated interaction with one’s child and constant concern for their health and development demonstrate the importance of a father’s presence and investment in his baby.
Others would say that a father’s commitment is demonstrated by feeling responsible for his baby and family, taking care of his baby, bringing home money to meet the needs of the whole family, being affectionate with the baby, or being a kind of educator and role model for his baby.
Ultimately, it can be a mixture of all of these things to varying degrees from one father to another. One thing is certain: it is often said that fathers who are involved with their children report being happier in general, have higher self-esteem, say they are more active and effective in the family, are more satisfied with their role, feel better about themselves, are proud, and experience less psychological distress.
The benefits
The benefits of involved fathers are not limited to the fathers themselves. When a man becomes a father and takes an active role in the family, it is not only him who reaps the rewards, but the entire family. Social norms are changing for fathers, and today’s fathers will shape tomorrow’s fathers, and so on…
Enjoy all the good times that life brings you with your little ones and your family, they are so precious… Time flies, life goes fast!!! Take each day as it comes, as if tomorrow didn’t exist! Easy to say, but not always easy to do…
Marie Fortier
The baby expert
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