Reactions to Miscarriages

Health advice

In a previous article, I talked about the definition of a miscarriage and some predisposing factors.

Today I would like to continue on the topic and talk about reactions. We know that men and women express their emotions in a very different way in daily life. This is also true when reacting to a miscarriage. For men and women, what are their most common reactions and acceptance strategies? What are the impacts on the couple and the rest of the family?

Becoming a father takes place mostly in a man’s head, not through their emotions. This contrasts with women, who carry the fetus and become emotionally attached to it faster. Because of this, women’s reactions are often more intense than men. A woman will have a feeling that they failed, ashamed, feel guilty that they were unable to carry the fetus to term. She will also fear that she disappointed her partner and her friends and family. She will often feel empty, like she lost a part of herself, and this may lead to fears that she might not be able to conceive in the future. Often, women will need to talk about the baby, to communicate their sadness, their experience and will want to be listened to, supported and cared for by her family and friends.

For men, the loss is experienced more as a sadness than a feeling of loss. They often feel alone in their emotions and hold back their sorrow to avoid making their spouse even sadder. They feel powerless and think that they failed to protect their family. Their acceptance strategies are often found in their “strong man” attitude, their desire to stop talking about the miscarriage, a tendency to suppress their emotions or to experience them in a very private way. They will try to comfort their spouse, do the necessary things associated with the death, if necessary, and will quickly go back to normal life. Some will find refuge in their work, sports or alcohol to hide their sadness.

For a couple, losing a baby is a challenge to be faced together.

Depending on the pre-existing relationship, the impact will be different and can either bring the couple closer together or push them apart. Going through the stages of mourning at a personal pace can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and communication problems for the couple. Even sexual intimacy can be affected-remembering the baby they just lost, fearing becoming pregnant again then losing the baby, less desire to feel pleasure when feeling so sad…

Regarding the reactions by children and the family, it all depends on their age and their understanding of death. However, they’re more concerned with the well-being of their parents than with the loss of the baby. They can feel abandoned, guilty of maybe wanting the baby to die or anxious about losing their parents.

The decision to have another child depends on each couple or family. Parents are encouraged to choose the right moment for them to try to conceive once again.

If you’re reading this and are scared of the next steps, trust yourself and listen to your heart. It will be your best guide for the future.

Talk soon,

Marie
The Baby Expert

A video about a father’s perinatal mourning: Five men tell the story, “When the storm passes: Fathers’ mourning.” (in french).

Discover our videos

Subscribe to a monthly or quarterly package now to access full videos.

Breastfeeding: Specific Situations

Breastfeeding: Specific Situations

Are you breastfeeding and it’s painful? Are you worried you can’t produce enough milk? Along with Dr. Julie Choquette, Marie
Newborn discomforts

Newborn discomforts

Newborn conjunctivitis, seborrheic dermatitis (or cradle cap), bloating, regurgitation, vomiting, reflux and colic. Marie frequently saw these newborn ailments during
The Bottle

The Bottle

Would you like to give your baby a bottle but don’t know where to start? Marie meets Sakouna Phouttama, a
Washable Diapers

Washable Diapers

How can you sort through all the reusable diapers on the market? Kathy Vadnais, a reusable diaper consultant, presents different

Discover other articles

Natural Contraception Method Options

Natural Contraception Method Options

To read the first part, go to Natural Contraception Methods There are many natural contraception method options: Periodic abstinence; The symptothermal method; Mucus inspection method;
Why does my baby have pimples on his face?

Why does my baby have pimples on his face?

My baby has pimples all over his face, and I don’t know what to do. It’s weird, he doesn’t have any elsewhere, and his face
Acupuncture and pregnancy

Acupuncture and pregnancy

When preparing for the arrival of a baby, I find it useful when mothers explore different approaches that can help during the prenatal or postnatal
Causes of Nipple Pain

Causes of Nipple Pain

There are many causes of nipple pain. In this entry I explain causes and characteristics for both the mother and baby.

Reactions to Miscarriages

Par Marie Fortier Temps de lecture: 2 min
0