My name is François and I will be a new dad soon. I got the news on my 27th birthday when my life partner gave me the positive pregnancy test in wrapping paper. Even if I wanted the pregnancy, it was still a shock. Of course I was happy, but a little worried too.
Each father’s story is unique, and I am often surprised about how I think how I will be as a dad with a little baby. In fact, it is all in my head right now. I remember times with my dad, who walked with me to the bus for school, took me to hockey practices and the arena or my remedial classes.
It is certain that expecting a baby is an idea that grows, that causes a feeling of insecurity in the face of the unknown, a feeling of exclusion when I see the transformations taking place in your mom. I think that not carrying the baby is a big difference in the development of a feeling of attachment in a father and in the mother. I try my best to be in contact with you, in my own way, by caressing your mom’s tummy, which is like a bridge between you and me.
Since I can’t feel you moving, I have to try an imagine you, to find you like a little buried treasure. Each time that I talk to you through mommy’s bellybutton, I feel like it is a special place where my father’s heart linked to your mom’s come together and understands each other. I really think that the attachment I feel for you, my baby, is as strong as your mom’s, the only difference is how it is expressed. I see your mom’s tummy grow, change as you move, and I realise how much energy, patience and self-sacrifice your arrival requires. My role as the man in the affective accompaniment and attentive presence seems little in comparison. Travelling through the pregnancy at your mom’s side allows us to experience a unique and magnificent story in what is this big mystery of life.
Your room is ready for you. See, we are all set for your arrival! I prepared a shelter for you, a place where you can sleep feeling loved, that will protect you. I never thought I would be so excited to finally be able to look at you straight in the eyes.
Your birth was the greatest day of my life. Our two worlds came together. I held you tightly and warmly in my arms. You were so tiny even though you were a normal-sized baby, so beautiful even with everything you went through, even if it was difficult for you. You have finally gone through your first door towards your first morning. My heart was bursting with incredible love for this little pink newborn person.
From now on, I am a dad!
It will not always be easy, but life carries on. You have to trust yourself and your abilities.
Links to other interesting entries:
- Adapting to the baby’s arrival
- Dad and breastfeeding
- Sexuality and pregnancy
- A new baby soon (in french)
- Breastfeeding and twins
- Reacting to miscarriages
- Learning my new role as a dad
- The realities of delivery
Also the video Dad and Pregnancy
Talk soon,
Marie
The Baby Expert
Please share your experiences in the comment section.
